The Circle of Courage to Cope with Chronic Illnesses

The Circle of Courage is a model of positive youth development based on the universal principle that to be healthy and successful all youth need a sense of belonging, mastery, independence and generosity. This unique model integrates Native American child-rearing philosophies and Western psychology. You can learn more about it in the book Reclaiming Youth at Risk: Our Hope for the Future which:

• examines the alienation of children in modern society,
• presents a holistic indigenous philosophy of child development that is build upon the idea that the education of children is the most important function of a society,
• and offers principles and strategies based on creating a sense of belonging, mastery, independence and generosity (Circle of Courage).

The first time I heard Dr. Martin Brokenleg, from the Lakota (Sioux) Nation speak of the basic human need for belonging and how his own nation raised him with a strong sense of belonging, shook me to the core. I realized that I did not have a sense of belonging when it came to my multiple chronic illnesses either because I did not share my struggles and triumphs or because the people in my life did not ask how I coped with illnesses or how they could support me. I have learned, and continue to learn, how to share and how to ask for help. Creating a sense of belonging for anyone living with multiple chronic illnesses is one of the key goals of Good Heart Living.

If you are the friend or family of someone who lives with multiple illnesses and are looking for ways to support them, I would encourage you to find ways to create a sense of belonging for them. When a friend or loved one actively tries to help, I feel less lonely and isolated when managing my multiple illnesses. It normalizes my life with chronic health conditions.

How You Can Help by Creating a Sense of Belonging

You may not know what to say or what to do. You may even find yourself wondering if there is anything you could do or say that would actually help. There are many things you can do to create a sense of belonging for your loved one or friend. And it is ok to make mistakes. I appreciate any effort on the part of my friends and family. Here are a few examples:

• Try to listen. I often feel guilty or ashamed when I try to talk to a friend or loved one about my illnesses. If your friend or loved one talks to you about their illness, try to listen. Don't offer advice, unless they ask and don't try to change the subject. And try to listen actively by nodding or saying "I see" or by some other acknowledgement.

• Try to be understanding. When I share my life with chronic illnesses, I am asking for understanding–especially when I have to cancel plans with friends and family. I don't want to cancel plans, but sometimes I have to focus on my health.
• Try to ask how you can help. Take a second to ask your loved one how you can best help them. Even if they don’t show signs that they need help, chances are they would love for you to at least offer. Even if they don’t accept the offer, it shows you are attentive and are paying attention.

• Try to learn. Try to take a few minutes and research the condition(s) your loved one or friend is dealing with. It will help you to understand a little bit about what life is like for them. It makes me so happy when those I care about take a few minutes to research a condition I am living with. When they do, I feel I belong, I feel less lonely and isolated. Remember you don’t need to be an expert–just knowing the basics of the condition will benefit both of you.

It is a universal principle that we all want to belong. Help those you love, and care for, have a sense of belonging despite their illnesses or because of their illnesses. Go to my Links page if you want to learn more about Diabetes, Celiac Disease, Depression and Anxiety.

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